wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
