Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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