i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nobody cheats on THIS.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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