i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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