Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
