I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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