I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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