I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
