I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
