you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
