Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
