He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
