I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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