but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
