MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
