His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
