FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
