you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
