last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's get the cat blown out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
