420 ftw
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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