Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
