My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
