this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
