I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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