did you get engaged???
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
