What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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