Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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