i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We are two peas in an std pod
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
