So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Two words: nipple clamps
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