if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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