its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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