Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
