So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
