my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
