it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
