you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
