ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
