I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
