i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize