i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
