A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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