Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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