Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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