Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
