Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
