Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
