We won't sleep together?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
