Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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