Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
