Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
