You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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