when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
