I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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