if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
