I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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