It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
