do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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