I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they're like a gay fantastic four
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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