Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize