I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
