even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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