cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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